Elephant (and other) Adventures Up North-- Part Two

OK, I'm back!! So, ya wanna know what happened next, eh? Ask and you shall receive. So, after watching the herd of elephants move up-river, we headed back to the 'camp' area where our guide had determined the elephants had crossed. This area is apparently a favorite of the herd, and in the evenings they usually cross it while heading to another area where they like to spend the night.

With this tidbit of info., Mac was determined to get one last close-up look at the herd before heading home, and I, for one, was seconding that emotion. So, we headed back into the park, looking for our familiar herd of elephants. Sure enough, as we approached the camp area, there was the large bull elephant we'd seen following the herd, as his job (according to our guide) is to protect the family group of females and young. Now, we did spot the great beast in the camp, facing our way, munching on a tree. My instinct was to stay in the truck, and have a nice look at him from a distance. However, our guide, who had seemed quite knowledgeable about elephants up until this point, assured us that it would be safe enough to leave the truck and get a closer look. Despite my protests, all of us followed his lead like sheep. If you sense a foreshadowing, you're in for quite a story...

So, out we go, with Mac apparently making sure the doors were unlocked so we could get in quickly if things went awry. Now, those of you who have seen the movie 'Jurassic Park' may see a parallel in what happened next. Remember how we were so thrilled when we first saw the herd of elephants, happily playing in the water? How amazing, beautiful, and sublime it all was. At this point, if there were a soundtrack to our trip, it would be playing that eerie music that builds up to a certain tension, as we move closer to the elephant. At first, all looked o.k. He was at a relatively safe distance, eating tree branches, barely taking any notice of the little, diminuative humans in his midst. Stewart (our guide) even convinced us to pose for a picture with the big bull elephant in the background to share with our friends. Once I get it posted, you'll see the pic to the left, and what you'll notice is that not only do we all have somewhat bewildered looks on our faces, but the elephant is no longer there. Mac thinks he's pointing to it, but, alas, the big guy had moved just after we'd turned our backs to him. Oh, yeah. We were idiots all right. Keep in mind now that the guide is taking our picture, so can see that the elephant is moving, but seems unphased, so we're thinking, "OK, we must be safe... right?" Wrong.

So, we turn around, realizing his movement, and starting to feel a bit unsure about this whole thing. Luckily, Gillo had made note of the bathrooms earlier, so I'd planned my escape to that building, just in case. Good thing I did, because we were so focused on the big bull, that we didn't realize there was another large elephant much closer to us, rustling among the trees about 30 yards away. AAAAHHH! As soon as we realized, it, our guide started trying to scare it off by clapping, and then it moved closer, so we started running for the bathroom. I think I was the most panicked of us all.

Now, I love animals, especially elephants, which have always been my favorite. But, one cannot love anything or anyone without a certain level of respect. Especially something this big. Now, what happened next will shock you. Stewart, the illustrious guide, to whom Mac and I had just paid some money for his services prior to this incident (in our delight over seeing the elephants swimming), decided to ward both elephants off by clapping his hands (an action which he believed scared them off because it sounds like gunshots) and eventually throwing things at them. Ya. This guy was an idiot. I'm sorry to say that about someone on this public forum, but I wanted to strangle him.

He told us to stay in the bathroom, and that he'd get the elephants out of the area. Then, he proceeded to clap and throw things at them, while they proceeded to become more agitated, trumpet loudly, and move closer in our direction. All we could do was huddle inside the ladies' room, hoping the structure was too strong for two huge elephants to ram through. Oh, ya... Jurassic Park all the way. Remember the lawyer hiding in the toilet? Ya, that was us... but it was real... too too real for my blood.

At one point Stewart coaxed us into coming out of the bathroom, only to lob something at the elephant, causing it to trumpet and begin another charge... Good thing we weren't too far from the toilets. At that point, I'd had it... I summoned up just enough courage to poke my head out of the toilet door to literally yell at Stewart, pleading with him to stop throwing things at the bull elephant (I'm not sure where the other one had gone at that point). "You're provoking him!" I said. "Really?" he replied. Elephant expert my A--! This guy was a clown! A rodeo clown that teases Bulls... no... A Safari Clown! Do they have those? He deserved to be trampled to death, but I wasn't goin down with him! I would stay in that toilet until the end of time if that's what it took.

Luckily, Stewart came to his senses and stopped throwing things and clapping loudly, and eventually the elephants retreated back towards the lake, and we made a run for the truck. Ya, it was one of those things like in those dreams I often have, where I'm running, but I can't really move, or open my eyes, or there's something making me go in slow motion... Not sure if other people have those dreams, but I do, and this was like that. My heart was pounding, and it felt like the truck was 20 miles away, and the elephants were right behind us. AAAHHH! Then, of course, we make it to the truck, and my bloody door was LOCKED!! AAAAAHHHH! I of course screamed at Mac to get in and unlock the door, as I was freakin out... Of course, I looked like the biggest idiot of all, as Malawians have this amazing capacity of remaining calm in any circumstance (at least based on what I saw in my companions that day). I was doin the crazy panicked mzungu dance pretty much from the time of the ridiculous snapshot until we got into the truck. Everyone else seemed o.k. Deliwe told me she was really scared, but her face (and voice) never showed it. Truly remarkable.

So, in we went, the car started-- whew! And off we went. Of course, a couple of hours later, we all had a good laugh about it, but I must say that's the scariest experience I've ever had in my life. As we say back home, don't f--k with mother nature. Respect the wild, and all the things in it. I'll never forget this day, as long as I live.

We all went home a little wiser that night, and feeling just a bit smaller and less powerful than we once thought we were. The elephants rule in this land. Respect and protect. That's the moral of my story. All true. The pix tell much of it, so watch for those. Mac later joked that I should've taken a video during our ordeal for the blog. Not possible. Or maybe if it was like those 'Blair Witch' people a few years back, but that was just too annoying for words. I could never do that, anyway, but certainly I was in no state of mind to fumble with a camera when I was trying to save my a-- from huge angry elephants. Which means the faithful blog readers will have to settle for a video of swimming, playing, happy elephants, when and if I ever figure out how to compress and post a bloody video. Stay tuned.

By the way, I just remembered that I can cross another thing off the 'Things I wanna do before I die' list. No, running from angry elephants was not on the list, but seeing a large herd of elephants near and inside a body of water in the wild is actually on the list. Good thing I got to do that shortly before I almost got trampled by one or two of them, eh?

So that's my story and I'm stickin to it. Tomorrow watch for what happens next--this time at the lake, much more serene, and much less eventful--Whew! Tiwonana Mawa!